5. The Blame Game - Who are you blaming for the circumstances in your life?

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Hey everyone.

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What's up.

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This is Chelsea VanBuskirk
with the heart AF podcast.

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Hope you all are doing well.

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I was listening to one of my
books, And I wrote this note in my

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phone from it, because it had posed
this question, which I thought was

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a perfect topic for the podcast.

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But it asked the question.

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Who are you blaming for the
circumstances in your life?

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And I thought that was so great because
that's just such a prevalent thing that

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we typically do where we want to blame
our circumstances or other people for

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things that are happening in our life
and even how we're feeling, right?

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Like we tend to place power in external
sources versus turning inward and

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taking control and responsibility in
how we're feeling or reacting or the

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way things are going in our life.

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And this is one thing that I
talk about a lot with my kids.

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One of my daughters in particular,
she's a lot like me, very sensitive and

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tends to be very emotional and she'll
let herself get really worked up when

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her, sister's poking at her, trying
to, irritate her and make her mad.

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And she'll always be like, well,
she made me do this and she did

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this, and so that made me feel this.

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And I always try to help
her kind of stop and see

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Hey

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you know, she may be doing these
things, but she's doing it to bug you

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and you don't have to let it, right.

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Like you're giving her the power by
playing into what she's trying to do.

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Like you have the power and the
ability to not pay that attention.

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Like you can easily just roll your
eyes at her and focus on something

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else and not play in to how she's
trying to get under your skin.

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Like you totally have the power
to not let that get to you.

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Totally easier said than done.

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Right.

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But I really want to keep hitting that
on the head with her because I want to

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hopefully help her get that concept so
that as she is growing and coming in

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to this own person, that she can rely
more on her own power and knowing how

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she has that control on navigating
those emotions and being able to not

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let things bother her or infiltrate her
and helping her to create that safety

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bubble that you can put around yourself
to not let other people's stuff in,

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and to be able to, Take responsibility.

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And to really feel empowered.

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So that she knows that she does have
the power and the responsibility to

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react however, she wants to see fit.

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Like she does not have to low her vibe
just because somebody else is in a mood or

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because they're trying to bring her down.

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Right.

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Like she can have the power and the
know-how to keep herself elevated,

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to keep herself in whatever state of
mind she would like to be in and to

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not really give those external things
her time and attention, because she's

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going to be so secure in knowing
of her capabilities as a person and

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abilities to not let that get to her.

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And so really the point I wanted
to address was taking that time to

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really understand in what ways we
might be placing blame on external

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circumstances or we're letting other
things control us and prevent us

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from living our best life or doing
the things that we really want to do.

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Like, how are we caging ourselves
and giving our power away by not

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taking responsibility and by blaming
our circumstances or other people

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for things not going the way we
would like them to in our lives?

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I felt like I would share this
personal story with you because I had

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a huge epiphany moment of the ways
I've been doing this, my own self.

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First I'll share this story, one of my
blame games that I always tended to hang

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on was I always kind of had this intrinsic
anger and this kind of irritability

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where I would snap at people.

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And I used to always blame that on my mom.

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Which sounds kind of stupid now,
but it was one of those old stories

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that I just kept retelling myself.

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Like I'm this bitter person,
because my mom was a shitty

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mom and I'm upset about that.

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I feel like I deserved better.

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Like I did not get the mom I
deserved and I'm mad about that.

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So now I'm going to just
take it on everybody else.

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So I have these angry tendencies,
and it's all my mom's fault.

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Right.

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That was my story.

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I was blaming all that on my mom and
it wasn't until I was a young adult,

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when my anger was out of control.

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And these old wounds came flying open
and I was kind of reliving some of

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these traumas and really figuring out
what sprouted this anger inside me.

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I was finally able to
take some responsibility.

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And go to anger management.

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And that really helped me figure
out some of the ways that I

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was giving my power away.

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But it gave me a chance to take
responsibility in that and figure out ways

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to manage those feelings inside me and
not let things get me out of control.

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And, find new ways to get
back into control, right?

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And me coming forward and taking
that responsibility by no longer

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just placing blame on somebody else.

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But knowing Hey, even though my mom
did some shitty things and there's some

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real pain and real feelings there, it's
my responsibility to take care of it.

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And to make sure that I'm not
further hurting other people and

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blaming my actions on somebody else.

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When I am responsible, like
I, get to decide how I act.

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I'm responsible for
myself and how I respond.

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That's not on anybody else, but me.

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And that was my first
kind of big wake up call.

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To this kind of concept of taking
responsibility and not blaming

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other people for your actions
or what's going on in your life.

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And I will definitely, I think that's
a great episode too, to talk about

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my anger management experience, but
we're going to table that for now.

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So later in life I found myself
feeling extremely overwhelmed because

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I was doing everything for everybody.

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And I think that's something that a lot
of women can relate to because as a woman,

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we've been fed this idea that as a woman,
we are to be the caretakers and the ones

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that serve we're typically the ones that
are submissive and, stay quiet and just,

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we're here to serve our male counterparts
and it's this very patriarchal

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picture that has been painted for us.

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And, I feel like that's echoed
through a lot of religious texts , and

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ideas as well as maybe some of our
family upbringings, like there's

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a lot of our society that helps
paint this picture of what it should

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be as a woman in a family, right?

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It's definitely broken some
barriers over time right.

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Like I feel and now in this Day and
age, it's definitely more acceptable

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for women to be outspoken and
having careers and things like that.

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So definitely we've made some
improvements in women equality . But.

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For the most part, there is still these
stigmas around females having to be the

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primary caregivers in a lot of households
and the ones that take on the majority

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of household responsibilities and things.

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And so if this doesn't
speak to you, that's fine.

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This might not be the episode for you,
but this episode, I think speaks to

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those women who do take on primary
caregiving roles or who are doing

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a lot of things for other people.

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And they get caught up in
overextending themselves and

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doing more than they need to.

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And, with that, they're neglecting
themselves in a lot of ways and

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how you get yourself out of that,
is by taking responsibility and

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asking yourself, who am I blaming?

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For.

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Keeping me trapped in this spot
that I don't really want to

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be in because I'm miserable.

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I'm barely hanging on.

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I'm going through the motions every day.

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I don't Feel fulfilled.

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I'm running myself ragged.

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I'm not taking care of myself.

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I'm barely taking care of all the
people I need to take care of because

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my to-do list is a mile long and
there's always something to do.

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And I feel like I always
have to do everything.

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. And you don't feel like you
really have the support or help.

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And then sometimes you don't even feel
like you can take help or support because

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that makes you feel like a failure.

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And then another part of that is
sometimes it's hard to even just let go

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of control because we tend to want to
be in control of everything that it's

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hard for us to let somebody else do
something, because then we're not

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in control of that situation anymore.

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And this can be like little
things that seem little, but

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over time they can wear at you.

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And this could just be normal household
responsibilities like cooking and

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cleaning and doing the dishes.

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And.

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I feel a lot of us caregivers tend
to take on more responsibilities

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than are ours to really

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take right, other people in the
household have their responsibilities

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too, but sometimes we get so
used to just doing everything.

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Cause that's what we've done.

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You know, it starts out
when like kids need us.

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Cause they're so little and they're
incapable of doing things for themselves,

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but then slowly as they get older, for
some reason, we still just go along

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and still do everything for everybody.

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And then all of a sudden we wake up

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Ah, you know, no one does shit
for themselves and it's annoying

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and it gets on you because
there comes a breaking point.

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Where you can no longer do
that, where you are just running

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yourself, ragged, like you are
depleting yourself, you become sick.

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it's not a good place to be.

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And again,

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What are we doing about that?

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Are we going to blame our spouses?

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Are we going to blame our kids?

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Are we going to blame our circumstances?

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Are we going to blame the whole idea
of this is what I was supposed to do,

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because this is what I was taught.

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This is what my family did.

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This is what my mom did
is what my grandma did.

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This is what my church said I should do.

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Whatever.

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Are we going to blame that?

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Are we going to take some responsibility
and try to make some changes?

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I'll tell you right now you
definitely have that power.

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Just like I tell my daughter, I have to
tell myself too, and now I'm telling you.

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You have the power to make some
changes and it just comes to

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realizing that one you're worthy.

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And you have every right to delegate
and to make yourself a priority.

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And that you can speak your needs and
let them known and that you can accept

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help, and you can, get help, like you can
delegate and you can figure things out.

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So that you can be more happy and more
at a pace that you want to be and

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have that time and the capacity.

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To take care of yourself.

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So that you can do the things that
you want to do and make sure that

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you're not overextending yourself and
you're not running yourself ragged that

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you're being more secure in yourself
so that you can set better boundaries

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and not take on more than you need to.

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And I really like this idea and I talk
about it in my book that I'm writing.

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About knowing where your responsibilities
stop and another person's start.

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So, let me tell you this
little story about me.

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I have talked about it before, but the
family I grew up with was my grandmother.

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Who, of course, as she got older,
couldn't do a lot of things herself.

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So I would of course, step in and
help her where she couldn't do things.

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And then the other parent I had
was my dad who was a quadriplegic.

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And he's fully dependent, can
not do most things by himself.

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And so, one of the things that I
did growing up is when I was getting

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the family's plates ready, like I
would help my grandma cut up her meat

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because you know, it was hard for her
to use her hands as she was older.

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So I would cut up her meat
and get her plate ready.

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And then for my dad,

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He had a special bowl that had this kind
of lip on the side, like a high lip, kind

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of a curve where he could also use this
special fork so he could feed himself.

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And so for my dad, he did not have
any movement or feeling from shoulders

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down, but on his one right arm.

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He was able to rehabilitate
some movement in his shoulder.

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So his right arm was kind of bent almost
at an not necessarily a full 90 degree

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angle, but it was bent at the elbow, but
he couldn't really move at the elbow,

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but he could move up and down with
the shoulder like that rotator cuff.

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So he was able to make this one
kind of motion, like a swinging

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motion, where there was a special
fork that would slide on his hand.

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Like it almost cupped his hand and then it
had a fork or spoon that would come out.

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So he could do the scooping motion with
that special plate to where he could

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actually get food onto his special
silverware and be able to feed himself.

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And so, I would make sure
that his food was cut up.

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So that was scoopable that he
could scoop it up with like his

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fork or a spoon or whatever he was
going to be feeding himself with.

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So fast forward just a few years
when I become a wife, I'm still

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in this routine of cutting meat.

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Right.

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I make dinner, I cut the meat and
I give everybody their plates.

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And then we started having kids.

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And of course, when kids
are little, what do you do?

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You cut up the food really small, so
bite-size pieces so they can eat it.

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00:12:02,429 --> 00:12:05,789
And so it literally was just two years
ago where I had this big epiphany

228
00:12:05,789 --> 00:12:07,469
where I'm there in the kitchen.

229
00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:10,379
I'm cutting everybody's
plates and getting it ready.

230
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,269
And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

231
00:12:12,539 --> 00:12:15,269
My husband is a fully grown capable
man who can cut his own food.

232
00:12:15,549 --> 00:12:18,039
When we go to restaurants, the
restaurants just place our meat on

233
00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:19,949
the plate and we all cut our meat.

234
00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:23,309
My children are old enough to now
use utensils and cut their own meat.

235
00:12:23,639 --> 00:12:26,349
Like with the exception of my
youngest, who, you know, at the

236
00:12:26,349 --> 00:12:28,689
time of this epiphany was probably
still one and a half or two.

237
00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:29,589
And he's three now.

238
00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:33,279
So like maybe outside of him,
Everybody else can cut their own food.

239
00:12:33,549 --> 00:12:36,459
So at that point in time, I'm like,
okay, I'm not doing this anymore.

240
00:12:36,459 --> 00:12:40,119
I'm not wasting 15 minutes
letting my food get cold.

241
00:12:41,409 --> 00:12:45,999
Making everybody else's plate when
like people can one serve themselves.

242
00:12:46,029 --> 00:12:47,979
Like I just did all the cooking.

243
00:12:47,979 --> 00:12:48,999
I did the meal planning.

244
00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:49,899
I went to the grocery store.

245
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:50,769
I did the whole meal.

246
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,449
Like the least these people can
do is just make their own plates.

247
00:12:54,309 --> 00:12:55,119
And cut their own meat.

248
00:12:55,329 --> 00:12:56,559
Like, why am I doing this?

249
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:56,949
Why.

250
00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:58,827
And it's like internally I'm
getting all mad and bitter,

251
00:12:58,827 --> 00:13:00,117
but I'm the one that's doing it.

252
00:13:00,117 --> 00:13:00,327
Right?

253
00:13:00,327 --> 00:13:02,577
Like I'm the one that has to take
the responsibility and be like

254
00:13:02,591 --> 00:13:03,852
hey newsflash!

255
00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:03,902
Actually.

256
00:13:05,012 --> 00:13:06,242
Mom, shouldn't be doing this.

257
00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:07,352
Like you guys actually can do this.

258
00:13:07,352 --> 00:13:07,502
So.

259
00:13:07,645 --> 00:13:08,485
We're changing things.

260
00:13:08,515 --> 00:13:08,815
All right.

261
00:13:08,845 --> 00:13:09,925
Things are going to change a little bit.

262
00:13:09,925 --> 00:13:12,655
You guys are gonna start stepping
it up and doing your own plates.

263
00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:15,737
And then, I also had to have this
thing with the dishes and other

264
00:13:15,737 --> 00:13:19,087
cleaning up stuff, like where I was
just picking up after everybody.

265
00:13:19,087 --> 00:13:22,111
And I feel you know, we just tend to
do that cause they don't like to pick

266
00:13:22,111 --> 00:13:25,910
up themselves, but it's we really
have to like, Instill that inner our

267
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,031
kids you know what, they need to take
responsibility and we need to like, Hey.

268
00:13:29,451 --> 00:13:30,591
You need to clean up your shit.

269
00:13:30,961 --> 00:13:31,161
Right?

270
00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:33,386
That it's time to be
a contributing member.

271
00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:33,701
Okay.

272
00:13:33,701 --> 00:13:36,010
It was one thing when you were
like a baby, but you know, now,

273
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:39,445
like even I'm asking me my youngest
okay, now it's time to pick up toys.

274
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:39,769
Right.

275
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,565
Like I let them keep their stuff out.

276
00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:42,572
I'm not saying martyr.

277
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,718
I'm trying to be unrealistic
because when kids live in your

278
00:13:44,718 --> 00:13:46,038
house, like it's messy, right?

279
00:13:46,038 --> 00:13:47,568
Like it's not going to look perfect.

280
00:13:47,808 --> 00:13:48,678
I'm okay with that.

281
00:13:48,738 --> 00:13:49,638
I've accepted that.

282
00:13:49,688 --> 00:13:50,518
That's not my problem.

283
00:13:50,878 --> 00:13:53,598
I'm just saying it's time for me to stop.

284
00:13:53,928 --> 00:13:56,708
Wasting my time and getting all bent
out of shape and stressed trying

285
00:13:56,708 --> 00:14:00,438
to pick up after everybody, when
they can pick up after themselves.

286
00:14:00,468 --> 00:14:03,318
Like I let my girls do their own
laundry now and they put it away.

287
00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:06,528
Like I don't do that anymore
because they're fully capable.

288
00:14:06,558 --> 00:14:06,798
Right?

289
00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:09,948
Like they, they can start taking
that responsibility and it took me

290
00:14:10,128 --> 00:14:11,658
taking responsibility for myself.

291
00:14:11,688 --> 00:14:15,018
Like, why am I stressing myself
out and making myself do all these

292
00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:16,578
tasks when I don't want to do them?

293
00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:17,610
I can do mine.

294
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,030
I can make an agreement with my husband
that because he works outside of the

295
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,550
home the most and I work from home.

296
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:27,263
That maybe, yeah, I can do our laundry
you know, and obviously our babies, but.

297
00:14:28,093 --> 00:14:30,917
You know, there's certain agreements that
obviously we can come to, but there's

298
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:34,034
things that I had to come to realize
what am I taking responsibility for?

299
00:14:34,034 --> 00:14:35,474
That's not really mine to take anymore.

300
00:14:35,654 --> 00:14:38,564
Like, why did I get so stuck in this
habit of doing some of these things

301
00:14:38,564 --> 00:14:40,634
where it's time to like recalibrate and.

302
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,904
Look at okay, I'm getting irritated
because I feel unsupported.

303
00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:47,664
Like I'm doing everything for
everybody, but I'm not saying anything.

304
00:14:47,994 --> 00:14:49,327
And I'm the one that's doing it.

305
00:14:49,327 --> 00:14:52,067
So literally the cutting the meat
was like a huge epiphany for me.

306
00:14:52,277 --> 00:14:57,137
Huge wake-up call on not just like the
meat cutting, but just in so many ways

307
00:14:57,287 --> 00:15:01,607
where I wasn't happy with all the things
that I was taking on, but I wasn't saying

308
00:15:01,607 --> 00:15:03,727
anything or taking any responsibility.

309
00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:06,017
And how to make things better.

310
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:06,377
Right.

311
00:15:06,377 --> 00:15:09,407
So it was that epiphany, that kind
of breaking point so to speak.

312
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,269
Was helpful in letting me know oh, okay.

313
00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:13,489
I can change things.

314
00:15:13,519 --> 00:15:14,989
I can have conversations and

315
00:15:15,072 --> 00:15:17,142
let my needs be heard and
then figure things out.

316
00:15:17,952 --> 00:15:22,409
So really what I'm trying to get at
with this episode with you guys is, are

317
00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:28,679
there ways that you might be putting
blame or not taking responsibility

318
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:29,819
for things that might be going on.

319
00:15:29,819 --> 00:15:32,276
Are there people that you're
blaming for your circumstances?

320
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:36,681
Are there things that I'm not
taking responsibility for?

321
00:15:36,751 --> 00:15:41,361
Am I unhappy with something in my life,
but I feel like I can't do anything about

322
00:15:41,361 --> 00:15:43,501
it, Like I feel trapped for some reason.

323
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,391
Why do I feel trapped
that I can't do anything?

324
00:15:45,991 --> 00:15:47,031
Is that thing real?

325
00:15:47,371 --> 00:15:51,421
Is that piece, just something that
maybe I just need to realize that

326
00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:53,791
I have every right to make changes.

327
00:15:54,061 --> 00:15:56,831
Is it, that I need to
actually voice my needs?

328
00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:00,467
I mean, that whole saying
about, the airplane thing, right?

329
00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:04,737
Like you put your own oxygen mask on
first, before you put it on others.

330
00:16:05,387 --> 00:16:09,827
So that's a key thing that I always
try to remind myself of is, you know,

331
00:16:09,947 --> 00:16:13,097
I can't really be my best self and
be the best mother to my kids or the

332
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:17,537
best spouse or the best friend or the
best even speaker or writer, unless

333
00:16:17,537 --> 00:16:19,547
I'm taking care of myself first.

334
00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:20,087
Right.

335
00:16:20,087 --> 00:16:22,267
Like I can't show up as my best self.

336
00:16:22,927 --> 00:16:24,167
If i'm not taking care of myself.

337
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:27,287
And let me tell you, I spent
the better part of my parenting

338
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,847
journey and my spouse journey.

339
00:16:29,207 --> 00:16:30,707
Not showing up as my best self.

340
00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:33,987
Like I would have moments where I
could be my best self, but there was a

341
00:16:33,987 --> 00:16:35,537
lot of times where I was this bitter.

342
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:36,637
Angry woman.

343
00:16:38,427 --> 00:16:41,217
And I don't know if that resonates
with any of you, but if it

344
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:43,137
does, I just want you to know.

345
00:16:44,157 --> 00:16:45,717
That there are ways to make changes.

346
00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:48,957
And it really just starts with taking
responsibility and figuring things out.

347
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:54,007
Like it, it takes some mind work and
having to recalibrate your beliefs

348
00:16:54,007 --> 00:16:55,507
and your thoughts systems of knowing,

349
00:16:55,507 --> 00:16:55,577
One.

350
00:16:57,007 --> 00:16:59,347
You're worthy of making changes.

351
00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:02,047
Like things don't have to be
what you thought they had to be.

352
00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:04,417
Like it's okay to change your mind.

353
00:17:04,417 --> 00:17:05,197
It's okay.

354
00:17:05,377 --> 00:17:06,397
To change dynamics.

355
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,067
It's okay to let other
people come in and help.

356
00:17:09,097 --> 00:17:09,457
It's okay.

357
00:17:09,457 --> 00:17:10,717
To delegate things.

358
00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:13,727
It's okay to have your kids
take on more responsibility.

359
00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:14,662
They're going to be fine.

360
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:16,812
You know, it doesn't
mean you love them less.

361
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:20,392
If anything, it's teaching them
how to be more independent so that

362
00:17:20,392 --> 00:17:23,682
they can be better adults that know
how to take care of themselves.

363
00:17:23,682 --> 00:17:26,322
And don't just rely on other
people all the time, you know?

364
00:17:26,802 --> 00:17:27,352
And.

365
00:17:27,652 --> 00:17:30,832
I know that there's a part of us
that loves being able to serve.

366
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,572
And we love to feel like we're
being of service and helping people.

367
00:17:33,942 --> 00:17:37,552
and that's such a beautiful gift
that you have to be able to give to

368
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:41,782
others, but it can't be done at the
expense of your own self and happiness.

369
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:42,412
It can't.

370
00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:44,072
, that's not the purpose.

371
00:17:44,102 --> 00:17:48,962
Like you can still give and serve
others, but without neglecting yourself.

372
00:17:49,262 --> 00:17:50,312
And that's a big message.

373
00:17:50,312 --> 00:17:53,229
And that's actually a piece of the book
I'm writing too, is all about that.

374
00:17:53,229 --> 00:17:53,449
And.

375
00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:54,391
I'll talk more about that.

376
00:17:54,391 --> 00:17:54,789
But Anyway.

377
00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:57,209
I would love to hear back from you guys.

378
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,409
I am craving feedback.

379
00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:03,089
So I would love to hear back if any of
this resonated with you, I would love to

380
00:18:03,089 --> 00:18:07,919
hear if you've come to any realizations
in your own life or any epihphany moments.

381
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:12,289
Just kind of listening to this story and
thinking back on any of your own current

382
00:18:12,289 --> 00:18:16,039
life circumstances, like where in your
life are you maybe being the meat cutter

383
00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:17,599
for everybody when you don't need to be.

384
00:18:17,599 --> 00:18:19,459
Like, are there things
in your life like that?

385
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:24,776
Are there people in your life that
you're blaming for the negativity

386
00:18:24,776 --> 00:18:25,826
that you're letting into your life?

387
00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:26,656
I'd love to hear from you.

388
00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:31,088
So if you want to send me a DM on
Instagram or Facebook you can find me at

389
00:18:31,088 --> 00:18:33,648
either place at Chelsea dot VanBuskirk.

390
00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:35,798
I would love to get some
feedback and hear from you guys.

391
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:38,871
If you guys have any aha
moments from this episode.

392
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:44,098
I think a cool way to Protect yourself
from letting people get to you is

393
00:18:44,098 --> 00:18:46,091
really just pausing for a moment.

394
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:50,228
Let's say if something is affecting
you or tends to make you mad.

395
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:54,880
Are you giving your power away
to this thing that just happened?

396
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,410
Or can you decide to choose differently
and look at it a different way?

397
00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:02,050
For example, a big thing for me
that really ticks me off, or that

398
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,410
gets under my skin is like people
that cut me off when I'm driving

399
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:07,330
or they don't know how to merge or.

400
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:10,091
Whatever or they're speeding excessively.

401
00:19:10,091 --> 00:19:12,893
And now I'm all like older oh, you're
going to get somebody in an accident.

402
00:19:13,093 --> 00:19:14,093
You know, like I get all cranky.

403
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:17,330
And I try to just let it go, you
know, I'm like, why am I going

404
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,380
to get all bent out of shape?

405
00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:21,485
Because they're fucking
around that's their problem?

406
00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:22,844
I don't need to take that problem on.

407
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:23,693
They're speeding.

408
00:19:23,843 --> 00:19:25,493
Maybe they're late picking up their kid.

409
00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:27,953
I mean, how many times have
you seen a minivan speeding?

410
00:19:27,953 --> 00:19:30,473
About the afternoon time, they're
late picking up their kids.

411
00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:33,327
I know it I've been there, like it's
the worst when you feel like you're late

412
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:35,780
picking up your kid, you don't want to
be the last person to pick up your kid.

413
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,114
It's a horrible feeling.

414
00:19:37,354 --> 00:19:37,984
I get that.

415
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:39,484
So I usually just try to laugh and.

416
00:19:39,694 --> 00:19:40,744
Oh, I hope you make it in time.

417
00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:43,523
Be safe, you know, or if somebody
cuts me off I'll be like maybe

418
00:19:43,553 --> 00:19:44,483
they just didn't see me.

419
00:19:44,513 --> 00:19:47,393
You know, I just try to give them the
benefit of the doubt instead of getting

420
00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:49,507
myself all worked up so unnecessary.

421
00:19:49,537 --> 00:19:50,077
Like why?

422
00:19:50,077 --> 00:19:52,675
Like it's not helping me any.

423
00:19:52,675 --> 00:19:53,756
Does it change anything?

424
00:19:53,756 --> 00:19:55,467
No, they still cut me off okay.

425
00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:57,607
Why do I need to internalize that?

426
00:19:57,637 --> 00:20:02,193
You know, like, why do I need to let
that ruin my day or bring my vibe down?

427
00:20:02,193 --> 00:20:03,316
No, I'm getting better.

428
00:20:03,316 --> 00:20:07,516
It, takes some time and practice, but I'm
getting better at trying to protect myself

429
00:20:07,546 --> 00:20:09,492
and not let people like kill my vibe.

430
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:09,872
Right.

431
00:20:11,052 --> 00:20:11,652
So.

432
00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,772
Again, would love any feedback.

433
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:21,392
And I have a Q and a episode coming up so
I'm asking if you guys have any questions

434
00:20:21,692 --> 00:20:26,552
about any of the previous episodes that
have aired, or just any question at all?

435
00:20:26,552 --> 00:20:29,355
That you would like me
to talk about or answer.

436
00:20:29,565 --> 00:20:32,085
I would love to get those questions
cause I'm going to be making a list of

437
00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:35,695
those questions and we're going to have a
special Q and a episode, and go over the

438
00:20:35,715 --> 00:20:37,425
questions I receive and we'll answer them.

439
00:20:37,425 --> 00:20:39,945
So that episode will be
coming out in two weeks.

440
00:20:39,945 --> 00:20:41,295
So I'm excited to do that.

441
00:20:41,295 --> 00:20:44,265
So if you have any questions,
please, again, hit me in the DMS.

442
00:20:44,475 --> 00:20:49,105
You can also contact me on my website,
at chelseavanbuskirk.com there's

443
00:20:49,135 --> 00:20:51,445
a contact form, so you can
definitely ask your questions.

444
00:20:51,445 --> 00:20:53,665
there, give me feedback
on the podcast, whatever.

445
00:20:53,905 --> 00:20:57,833
I also want to let you know if you
haven't seen on social media that

446
00:20:57,863 --> 00:21:00,863
this podcast is just brand new,
I'm getting it up and running.

447
00:21:00,863 --> 00:21:01,553
And so.

448
00:21:01,572 --> 00:21:05,652
I think there's two weeks left of the
drawing I'm doing, but any time you listen

449
00:21:05,652 --> 00:21:11,502
to an episode, give me feedback on an
episode, subscribe or share an episode, or

450
00:21:11,502 --> 00:21:14,001
just sharing the show gets you an entry.

451
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:16,131
So you have multiple ways
to get multiple entries.

452
00:21:16,131 --> 00:21:19,728
And the end of the period is in two weeks.

453
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:25,627
I think I said September 9th, so that
might be one week now or one week So I'm

454
00:21:25,657 --> 00:21:27,907
a little over one week, but you have time.

455
00:21:27,949 --> 00:21:31,249
So you have multiple ways to get multiple
entries and on September 9th, I'm going

456
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:32,779
to compile all the entries I've gotten.

457
00:21:32,779 --> 00:21:35,449
So, you know, let's say
you've left me feedback.

458
00:21:36,019 --> 00:21:39,799
On all the episodes that have been out so
far, that would be five entries already.

459
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:42,091
And then anytime you share
an episode, that's an entry.

460
00:21:42,091 --> 00:21:44,600
So you can share multiple
episodes and get multiple entries.

461
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,534
So that Monday I'm going
to draw two winners.

462
00:21:47,564 --> 00:21:52,376
Each winner will win a $50 Amazon
gift card sent to them, so, yeah,

463
00:21:52,446 --> 00:21:55,396
just a little thank you for your
support to help me build this

464
00:21:55,396 --> 00:21:56,956
show up and get it off the ground.

465
00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:58,636
Appreciate the support really do.

466
00:21:58,636 --> 00:21:59,866
It means so much to me.

467
00:21:59,866 --> 00:22:02,536
I'm just hoping that things are
resonating with you and it can

468
00:22:02,536 --> 00:22:04,366
be helpful with you in some form.

469
00:22:04,546 --> 00:22:05,876
So please let me know.

470
00:22:05,876 --> 00:22:09,419
And let me know if you have any questions
again, I'm looking for questions

471
00:22:09,449 --> 00:22:10,859
for the Q and a episode coming up.

472
00:22:10,939 --> 00:22:12,709
I hope you guys are all doing well.

473
00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:16,543
Find me on Instagram or facebook
@chelsea dot vanbuskirk and I

474
00:22:16,543 --> 00:22:19,263
will see you guys next week, PEACE!